Putin's mouthpiece in desperate bid to ridicule UK with bizarre rant after mystery absence

Russian foreign minister Sergei Lavrov today returned from his mysterious absence to launch a raging attack on Britain, mocking the UK's "weak" military and nuclear arsenal. The 75-year-old veteran is reported to have been sidelined by Vladimir Putin after falling out of favour with the Russian President after failing to convince Trump to attend a summit in Hungary.

Other rumours also suggest Lavrov has fallen out of the public eye while he seeks treatment from an unknown and unconfirmed "secret" medical condition. But after a period of radio silence, the veteran foreign minister came out to slam the UK for their continued marshalling of Western support for Ukraine.

The whispers of the fallout at the heart of the Kremlin became even more widespread after the minister skipped a key meeting with Vladimir Putin, took a back seat at the G20 summit, and was barely seen around his own Ministry of Foreign Affairs.

Missing the G20 is something that seemed particularly strange, with the foreign minister representing Russia at every summit since the invasion of Ukraine.

Initial reports claimed Lavrov had skipped some meetings "by agreement," but others said he had instead "fallen out of favour" after more than two decades at Putin's side.

After these rumours, the Kremlin flatly denied any rift between the two, with Dmitry Peskov, Putin's spokesman, calling the claims "completely untrue" on Friday.

"You see, there was an empire, an empire that ruled practically the whole world," said Lavrov. "Now that empire no longer exists.

"Nor does the good old England they used to boast about, and they no longer have any economic power.

"Their military power is also relatively weak, including their nuclear arsenal, which they cannot actually control 100% themselves.

"But they have to compensate for this somehow. They compensate with this traditional English desire to, well, divide and rule everywhere.

"And there are also indecent ways to describe how they behave and what goals they pursue in doing so."

Many now believe that his abscess could simply be that of illness or exhaustion. Lavrov is Russia's longest serving foreign minister, working alongside Putin since 2004.

He is also said to be particularly fond of a whisky and a cigarette and with Russia's next reshuffle likely taking place at Putin's next "rubber stamp election" in 2030 retirement may be beckoning.