MIKEY SMITH: 6 insane things Donald Trump did while global stock markets crashed

Donald Trump did what he almost always does yesterday - dropped a grenade and walked away. On Wednesday he announced a string of stinging tariffs on goods from around the - targeting every country, even the ones only populated by penguins.

And what did he do yesterday, while £2.5 trillion was wiped off global stocks and shares?

He flew to Florida to either watch or play . Maybe both, but crucially - nothing to do with the era-defining mess he's just made of the economy he's nominally in charge of.

But hey, at least he managed to get a staffer to print off one of his promised "gold cards" - a get out of immigration detention card for the super rich.

Here's more on that, and a few other wacky things he and his team did yesterday while America's economy burned.

1. He went to his golf club while the stock market tanked

Leaving the White House yesterday, was told by a reporter that the stock market was being one of its worst days in years - and was asked: "How's it going?"

He insisted the first full day of tariffs was "going very well". He went on to claim, without citing any evidence, that trillions of dollars would be coming into the country, before likening the turmoil to a sick patient recovering after an operation.

Doctors would probably note that patients don't get significantly worse *after* the operation has completed. But I'm not a doctor.

He was then whisked away on to Florida, to visit one of his golf courses.

This golf course, not at all coincidentally, is hosting the Saudi-owned LIV golf league this week, from which he will personally benefit financially.

2. Suggested it could be years before Americans feel the benefit of his 'operation'

On his way to Florida, he held a huddle on Air Force One, where he repeated his 'sick patient' analogy - saying the massive crash of the stock market was "to be expected".

"The operation's over," he said, indicating the worst was over. "And now we let it settle in."

He claimed the country was going to "boom" - but that getting manufacturing to where he wants to see it is a "two year process".

Which will probably a relief to Americans having to get a second mortgage to pay for the weekly shop.

3. Showed off his 'gold card' visa for oligarchs, which is literally just a piece of yellow card with his face on it

At the top of the plane huddle, he emerged holding a yellow-coloured oblong of thin card. It had a picture of the president on it, an eagle, the Statue of Liberty and some text reading "THE TRUMP CARD" - alongside the figure of 5 million.

This, Trump said, was his special "gold card" immigration visa for wealthy oligarchs, which doesn't seem likely, because it has absolutely no space for personal information and also looks like something a staffer made with Canva and printed out on sugar paper.

Trump said he was the first person to buy one, which also seems baffling as he's a US citizen.

4. He said Keir Starmer was "very happy" about how the tariffs turned out

Asked about how discussions on the Chagos Islands deal were progressing, he said we'd have to wait and see how they turned out.

But he said was "very happy" with the 10% tariffs slapped on imports from the UK from this weekend.

That's not the line...

5. He lost Ted Cruz, again

One of Trump's most turbulent on-again, off-again relationships is with Ted Cruz, who we're obliged to note is not, and never has been, the Zodiac.

And now it looks like tariffgate could spell rocky times for America's most turbulent couple.

"I am not a fan of tariffs," he told Fox Business news yesterday. "Tariffs are a tax on consumers, and I'm not a fan of jacking up taxes on American consumers."

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6. Howard Lutnick said the quiet part out loud

The whole tariff thing is based on the idea that if it's more expensive to import goods, then American manufacturing will spin up to replace them - creating jobs and wealth in the US.

And then Commerce secretary Howard Lutnick went on Fox News and inadvertently let slip the flaw in that plan - at least for Americans hoping to benefit from this promised boom in high paying jobs.

"The operation has happened, the patient is in bed and starting to recover," he said.

"We just had to wait for the AI boom to be here now to let us compete with all the cheap labor all around the world."

So...good jobs for robots. Not so much for Americans.