Exercise compassion: In the words of Mahatma Gandhi, ‘Compassion is a muscle that gets stronger with use.’
Practice empathy: Express love and sympathy.
Learn to feel unified: Work towards feeling unified. It’s a surefire path to reconciliation.
To me, reconciliation is the meeting of dawn and dusk; the differences of night and day meet in beautiful harmony and create great splendour in the process. It is natural, it is powerful, it is inevitable. Reconciliation is transformative and healing.
It is absolutely necessary for the soul. As an Aquarian, conflict is something that is very, very difficult for me. I struggle within when I have to interact with difficult people. At times, people do not deliver, do not meet set expectations or are simply lazy and unethical. I don’t judge, and I have learnt to exercise love and sympathy to resolve conflicts with compassion. It has proven to be the most effective way of resolving and reconciling with people and problems.
I recall a time in the third grade in St Anne’s Convent in Pune when I was eight years old. I was chosen to be part of a ‘garba raas’ dance for the Prize Day celebrations coming up at the end of the year. We were a group of twelve, and each of us were given two sticks. After every eight beats, we had to turn to the opposite partner and continue the movement. Simple enough.
However, after every fourth turn, I would get confused and either turn too late or turn to the wrong partner. This happened even after a few practice runs. The teacher stopped the music and called me over to her desk. ‘Why are you making the mistake?’
3 Tips By Meera Gandhi On How To Be Mindful About Other People In Our Life‘I don’t know,’ I answered abashedly.
‘You have to remember to turn, otherwise, you are wasting our time,’ she said, and with that, much to my utter shock and horror, she slapped my right cheek very hard. The slap stung me and my eyes filled with tears. ‘Go back to your place and don’t make a mistake this time,’ she said savagely!
I mustered all the sincerity and focus an eight-year-old has at hand, and I began the dance again. When it was time to turn, the teacher walked to my spot, which quickly enabled the correct turn and soon the dance was completed without a mistake.
‘Once again from the top,’ she directed, and we did the dance again with no mistakes! Whew!
‘Okay, we are done for today. Get your shoes and go back to class,’ she said.
I got my shoes and then, as I was walking past her I gave her a smile. She was puzzled and perplexed by it, but she said nothing. I was halfway out of the door when she called me back.
3 Tips By Meera Gandhi On How To Rise Above A Current Situation‘Meera, wait please. Come back. I would like to talk to you.’
Unafraid, I walked back to her, still smiling. She said, ‘I was unfair to you today. Instead of explaining the step, I slapped you, yet you smiled at me. Why? Most girls would not even have made eye contact.’
I answered. ‘I knew you were trying to get us all to do the dance right. I kept making the same mistake. I kept staring at a bird on the fourth turn. I got distracted and missed the step each time. You slapped me, but Jesus always says that we should turn the other cheek, not respond with hate. We just learnt that yesterday. Besides, I really do like you!’
The teacher started crying and gave me a hug. ‘Who even are you?’ she said. ‘Would you like to come to my home and have hot lunch with my family today?’
3 Tips By Meera Gandhi On How To Resolve ConflictsI agreed. We then went down to the principal’s office. There, we called my mother for permission. I went to her house, and to this day, I remember what I ate. It was mutton biryani on the floor—boori style—with yogurt and pickles. Hot, spicy and delicious. Her three children joined us too. I shared my sandwiches and a red apple with her kids and, as a meal, it has always stood out in my mind!
On the day of the performance, we danced really well and received lots of claps and whistles. The teacher went on to recommend me to lead most other events. The confidence I acquired from this experience has since helped me take lead roles in not only plays, but also the students’ governing body.
We had built a bond over a single incident and the bond went a very long way! It continues to serve me till date. This is my earliest recollection of reconciliation. It’s pure, it’s powerful, it’s freeing and one never knows what joyful things follow such a wondrous moment—so it’s important to always try.
(Excerpts from 3 TIPS: The Essentials for Peace, Joy and Success by Meera Gandhi)
